Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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