why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
