and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
