the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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