I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
