Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
