Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
where am i from again
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
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