Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
