My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
