I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
