So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
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