A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
