I want to have your abortion
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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