watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
time to smoke my breakfast
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
