All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
