just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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