Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Randomize
