I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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