I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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