He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
this just has baby written all over it
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
