I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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