i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
