I wish I could punch you in the face.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
