dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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