there's paper in my vomit.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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