Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize