My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
