The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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