That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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