fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
