Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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