I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
