The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
