there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
