I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
