they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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