fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
