the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
