I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
