Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Randomize
