Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
