I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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