I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize