on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
