i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
