after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
