I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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