dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i think i have two assholes
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
