Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
