The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
