Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
