Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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