Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
