i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize