Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
