but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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