he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
