this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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