when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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