..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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